Archive for October, 2008

Playstations, Sleeze, and Suicide Bombers

October 4, 2008

The War on Terror is now being described by political pundits as a cultural war between our Western value system and the “oppressive theocratic state” that the Islamic fundamentalists strive for. To fight this culture war we’re trying to kill the Taliban and the Iraqi insurgents in an attempt to “free the people of Iraq and Afghanistan”. What we are missing here is that the Taliban and the insurgents ARE the people of Iraq and Afghanistan.
If this is a culture war (and I believe it is) then it must be fought as such. I believe our culture is superior, but these people will never know this. All they know of North America is what the imams tell them and what the U.S. military shows them.

We need to start a new phase in this culture war. We need to hit these terrorists with everything we’ve got: Playstation, Hustler, Playboy, MTV, Burger King, McDonald’s. We need to drop 500,000 copies of this years Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition into Tora Bora. Broadcast hour after hour of CSI Miami, American Idol, and The View into the homes of every Iraqi and Afghani. We need to make sure that every Muslim extremist has a clear choice between being a suicide bomber or downloading porn on the internet. Given the choice, I say our side will win hands down.

In the real culture war, these are our best weapons. Quit pretending that we are some noble military force there to counteract the evil oppression and start showing the people of the Middle East exactly what they are missing.

You can not win a culture war with bullets. But what we are, what we really are, is a cultural force that appeals to every base desire in the human heart. Greed, lust, power, depravity… these are what made our culture great and it is what drives our free market economy. Hezbollah and the Taliban can only offer an abstract promise of virgins in Heaven when you die a martyr. We have hordes of prostitutes, billions of hours of porn, and an entire culture designed to identify and fulfill every desire in the human heart immediately. The imams can not compete with this.
I say hit them with everything we have. We can make up the financial investment later in penicillin sales.

  • This post was written by Wm. Hopper,
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    The Secret

    October 4, 2008

    A few years ago I was asked to help in the creation of a fake religion designed to dupe people out of their money. I, of course, explained to the people asking me to do this that I had made a solemn oath never to use my superpowers for personal gain, and thus declined their request to make them rich.

    This does not mean that I didn’t do the research and plan out how such a plot could be hatched. I just didn’t share it with those that would actually use this plan.

    What I came up with back then was a sort of laundry list of things a new religion would have to have to make hordes of cash. The following is a partial list of what a new for-profit religion would have to do.

    It would:
    – not offend any existing religion
    – promise personal enrichment and fulfillment with little or no work
    – come from the “average Joe” but be endorsed by intellectuals.
    – tie in with every mythology that it can to gain credence
    – be deliberately vague in all matters of theology, but give enough information so that everyone’s personal interpretation of religion is affirmed. (Basically, whatever you believe, the new religions would say you are right… let the laity create the theology)
    – have lots of trinkets and “power items” for sale to “help them on their path.”
    – have testimonials available on the web
    – avoid marketing it as a “religion”… call it a “personal power theology” or some such thing.
    – make sure that nothing you could ever say or do would violate the tenets of your new religion. (I.e., have no concept of sin or punishment.)

    I know for a fact that the guys who wanted me to create this religion for them never succeeded. The main guy is now becoming a CPA at university, and the others are still around somewhere. Nothing ever became of the idea.

    That said, I find that these guys were not the only ones on this quest. What I came up with back then is spectacularly close to a new movement called THE SECRET, as seen on CNN and Oprah.

    As I go down my list of things a successful religious dupe would need in this age I can check off each item one by one as I watch the videos and interviews regarding The Secret. These guys have it down pat. Like the New Age movement before them they’ve tapped in perfectly to the North American avarice, and are already well on their way to becoming the new Scientology.

    As such I think it’s apt to re-print here a quote attributed to L. Ron Hubbard (the founder of Scientology) from back in the days when he was just a struggling SciFi author.

    “…[Hubbard] told us that writing science fiction for about a penny a word was no way to make a living. If you really want to make a million, he said, the quickest way is to start your own religion.'” — Messiah or Madman_**, p.45.

    Hubbard made a lot more than a million. So too will the authors of The Secret.


    October 4, 2008

    The bible does not talk about masturbation AT ALL. The only mention (often used by Christians and Jews to back up the prohibition of it) is from a story where El-Shaddai told Onan to get his sister-in-law pregnant after El-Shaddai had killed his brother, Ur.

    Genesis 38: 7-10 “And Er, Judah’s firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the LORD; and the LORD slew him. And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto thy brother’s wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother. And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother’s wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother. And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also.”

    This whole idea of spilling your seed on the ground (and getting killed by a god for doing it) is where the prohibition against masturbation comes from. Problem is, it’s really a prohibition against pullingout, not masturbation. Also, it was only in this one case where El-Shaddai had told Onan to get this woman pregnant.

    The Bible

    October 4, 2008

    The bible is to history what Miami Vice is to police work. It covers very small, very selective parts of history and mixes them in with a lot of morality tales (Jonah, Job, etc.) that have nothing to do with the history of the human race. Notably, the bible omits the histories of most of the people on this planet, selecting only the history of the Jews and early Christians. The Phoneticians, Romans, Gauls, and Greeks are only footnotes. The Mongols, Celts, Native Americans, and Aztecs are entirely missing from this “history book”.

    As for John being the oldest gospel, I believe that honor belongs to the Q Gospel, which is of course missing from the bible.

    As for “planting seeds of doubt” I would say that those who espouse the bible as a testament of truth have a huge onus of proof to defend given the extreme claims that come with the book. As this is the basis for many legal and political decisions that Christian and heathen alike have to live by, I think skepticism and doubt need to be the cornerstone of any inquiry into the bible as authoritative text. Simply saying it’s authoritative does not make it so, any more than saying Dianetics or the Book of Mormon are authoritative because people believe their god has instructed them through it.

    Atheism and Abortion

    October 4, 2008

    I keep getting e-mails asking me what I, as a godless heathen, think about abortion. It’s one of those inflammatory topics that is guaranteed to get people angry, which I think is why I keep getting questions about it. So here we go… the godless response to the abortion issue:

    Religious folks tend to frame the question of abortion around the idea of God’s Will and the slaughter of the innocents. Pro-Choice folks tend to center the issue around a woman’s right to choose what to do with her own body. However, as I seem to lack both a god and woman’s body, I’m kinda stuck trying to figure it out based on the world I actually live in. You might assume that as a godless heathen I would side with those killing innocents, but (aside from the annoying brat that sat next to me at Denny’s last week) I do not condone killing children.

    Ah, but then there’s that next big question… when is it a child? For the religious this is a deep and mysterious truth… life begins at conception. For the pro-choice, the answer is (usually) life begins at birth. From a heathen’s point of view I disagree with both. Follow me here… it has to do with a bus.

    Pretend I was walking down the street and a bus came out of nowhere and splattered me across the pavement. An ambulance shows up and carts me off to the hospital where underpaid and overworked doctors stitch me up and put me on a variety of beeping and blinking machines. Eventually, a decision has to be made about life support.

    In every province and state in every Western nation the decision on when to pull the plug on me is made based on brainwave activity. If I am brain dead [I mean for real] then I am dead. Pull the plug, call the coroner… I’m cold meat. Good Christians and heathens alike across the country agree that when there is absolutely zero brain wave activity then the person is kaput.

    When it comes to abortion I basically go with this accepted medical definition of life: brainwave activity. If the woman is in the early part of her first trimester before the brain develops in the embryo, then by all medical standards you are not dealing with a human life. It may be POTENTIAL human life, but it is not in fact a living “being” by the definition used by palliative care physicians and Christian grief councilors.

    Once you do have brainwave activity then it becomes an issue of two persons, the mother and the child. That gets all messy and concerned and frankly I am glad to let the courts and councilors debate the value of mother versus child’s wellbeing. But until that point, when there is no brain wave activity, there is no human life. So say the doctors.

    You can fight about late-term abortions and rights, but for the definition of “what is life”, I think the precedent is already well established. According to accepted medical practice a life exists where you can show brain wave activity. If there are no brainwaves, there is no human life.

    What Atheism Offers

    October 4, 2008
    What Atheism Offers

    Thursday, November 1, 2007, 11:23 AM

    I’ve been pointedly asked to defend what atheism offers the world. Below is my concise response. The longer, more drawn out diatribe will likely be an article at some point soon.

    While you could cite the extremes like Jim Jones, the reality is that most Christians are forced to nod and agree with political agendas that at their heart conflict with what they believe in the privacy of their own prayers. Such is the price of belonging to an orthodox faith that strives to control the political process.

    Atheism is not anti-theism. It is simply the lack of a god in the political and social norms. It is exactly this freedom, entrenched by great men like Thomas Jefferson, that allows people of many faiths (or non-faiths) to coexist. If the control of the body politic is not a fight for the souls and morality of the masses, then the all people can live under it’s banner. THIS is what has allowed North America to flourish, not an adherence to Christian doctrine.

    You ask what it is that Atheism offers the world. This is it. So long as any one religions believes itself dominant over another, or more “right” than another, the freedom of the people to decide for themselves what they believe will always suffer. Only by allowing an atheist, non-religious code of ethics to govern can you meet the needs of all society, not just the religious elite.

    It’s about liberty and freedom; the right of every person under the law to believe or disbelieve any aspect of any religion’s canon. No religious political structure can or would allow this. Only in an atheist system that allows all beliefs to exist can people live in a semblance harmony.

    Consolidating my blogs

    October 4, 2008

    I have decided to use this blog exclusively, so I will be moving some older posts over here for posterirty’s sake.    Apologies if folks see this as duplication, but the next few are oldies that I wanted to keep.

    Long live the evil empire.

    October 2, 2008

    Apparently, there is a cabal of evil Antichrists out there that may or may not be reptilian. They are empowered by Lucifer, and are working hard to re-create the world for their own, evil purposes.

    I’d like to be the first to welcome them.

    Think about it. The evil cabal that Born Again Christians are terrified of is prophesied to bring about a one-world government and instill peace for a thousand years. Sure, it’s all supposed to go to hell after that, but I’ve been doing the math here. I am a chubby, 42-year-old smoker. Let’s face it, I am not going to make it to 80 let alone 1000. So, by the time the evil antichrist exposes himself and draws all humanity down to hell with him, I’ll have already been there for 900 plus years.

    In the meantime, though, the idea of living out my life on a planet with a peaceful, one-world government seems a hell of a lot better than, say George Bush.

    So here’s to the evil empire and all the false peace, fake tranquility, and imaginary freedom it offers. It’s still a hell of a lot better than what we keep coming up with every election cycle.


    October 1, 2008

    Bill Maher is a saint. You know… in the atheist kind of way.

    I’ve worked the atheist talk shows and book clubs for a decade or so now. I’ve done the arguing about facts and history with Jews, Christians, Muslims, and just plain religious hack jobs. What Maher’s done, though, is pure beauty: he let the religious folks talk for themselves.

    Go see this movie.